My recent article on family feuds and the breakdown of family relationships stirred strong reactions across generations—from people I know and those I don’t. Clearly, I had touched a nerve that few want to acknowledge: the parent-child relationship. Common responses included, “It’s not that easy to forgive,” “They never treated me well,” or “I am happy to disown them.”
This leads to a question that is growing in urgency: Is filial piety dead—or has it simply evolved? Perhaps today, adult children express care for their ageing parents differently, much like the way they shower their own children with gifts and experiences. But what do elderly parents truly want? How do they want to be loved, honored, and respected in their later years?
In traditional family units where multiple generations lived under one roof, children were cared for, and elders were never alone. But that structure is disappearing, leaving adult children to move elsewhere for work or better opportunities. Elderly parents often find themselves in an empty nest. When one spouse passes away, the pressing question arises: what happens to the surviving parent?
Across religions and cultures, caring for ageing parents has always been a core value. Filial duty often extends even beyond death through ancestral worship. Yet, today, these virtues are in decline. Some countries have taken legislative measures to address this. In India, for instance, the Senior Citizen Act of 2007 places primary responsibility for elderly care on children, grandchildren, and even relatives.
Singapore introduced the Maintenance of Parents Act (MPA) in 1995, making it a legal obligation for children to support their parents. Initially, the MPA Tribunal received hundreds of cases each year. After amendments, the average fell from 170 cases (2008–2010) to around 30 cases in recent years—a clear indication that the Act acts as a deterrent against neglecting elderly parents.
So why is there hesitation in introducing a similar law in our country? The reality is stark: thousands of elderly parents end up in old folks’ homes or shelters, abandoned by their own children. Between 2018 and 2022, over 2,000 senior citizens were abandoned in hospitals nationwide. In 2021 alone, 752 elderly patients were left by their family members.
Several reasons explain why adult children may fail to care for their parents:
- Limited space at home;
- Lack of time or availability to provide care;
- Prioritising their own children over their parents;
- Financial constraints;
- Difficult relationships with their parents;
- Past abuse by the parent.
From the adult children’s perspective, many genuinely struggle to balance supporting their own families while caring for ageing parents. When faced with such dilemmas, most couples naturally prioritise the young. But what is not excusable are those adult children who are financially secure yet refuse to support or visit their parents. Loss of contact in these cases often eliminates any chance of reconciliation.
Complex situations exist. Some adult children may have suffered abuse at the hands of their parents in childhood, making forgiveness extremely difficult. Others may have parents who struggle with addiction or debts, leaving the children financially burdened.
This is where a Maintenance of Parents Act can make a difference. A dedicated Tribunal could assess each case, checking the adult child’s ability to provide support, and order monthly maintenance if feasible. Crucially, the Tribunal’s role would also include mediation—reconciling parent and child, and recommending fair solutions, much like alimony in child-support cases.
Not every case would guarantee a win for the parent. If a child can demonstrate past abuse, the Tribunal could dismiss the claim. But for many elderly parents unable to fend for themselves, such a legal framework would at least offer a pathway for support without undue hardship on the children.
Support doesn’t have to be financial alone. Simple gestures—a phone call, a small gift of favourite snacks, spending quality time together, or a warm hug—cost little but can mean the world.
As parents ourselves, we must reflect: are we modeling respect for elders in the way we raise our children? If our children and grandchildren show a lack of respect, are we partly responsible? Have we indulged or allowed misbehavior that undermines their understanding of filial duty? The home is where children first learn respect.
How we treat our elderly parents today teaches our children how they will one day treat us. Even when past grievances linger, we cannot ignore the needs of those who gave us life. This is not a game of tit-for-tat; it is the responsibility of love and blood—simple, enduring, and priceless.